There is one sentence that comes out of my mouth almost every day without me thinking about it first. When someone asks how I am doing, the answer is always the same. I’m fine. Even when sometimes I am not fine at all. But that word just slips out, automatically, like a reflex I cannot hold back.

I often ask myself, why is it easier to say I’m fine than to tell the truth. When sometimes all I need is one person who knows that I am tired. But still, the moment I am asked, I choose to cover it up with a single word that sounds safe.

Maybe because saying fine is simpler. Explaining the truth takes energy. Where do I even start, what do I say, how do I explain a feeling that I myself do not fully understand. It is so much easier to close everything with the word fine than to open up something long and heavy.

Maybe it is also because I do not want to be a bother. I am afraid that if I am honest, I will become a burden to someone else. Afraid that they were only being polite and did not really want to know. So I choose the safe route. I say fine, they feel relieved, and no one has to carry anything.

And maybe some of us were simply raised that way. Taught to look strong, to not complain, to keep the heavy things to ourselves. Until saying I’m fine becomes a habit, and showing our real feelings starts to feel strange and awkward.

But slowly I realized there is a price to this habit. The more often I say fine when I am not, the deeper my real feelings get buried. Until sometimes I am confused about what I am actually feeling. Because I trained myself to hide it for so long, I forgot how to let it out.

I am not saying we should pour all our feelings onto everyone who asks. Not everyone needs to know, and not every moment is the right time to open up. But maybe, for one or two people who truly care, it is okay to answer honestly once in a while. To say, actually, I am not doing so well right now.

Because feelings that are constantly hidden do not disappear. They just wait, piling up slowly, until one day they feel too heavy to carry alone. And sometimes, one honest sentence can lift more weight than a hundred times of saying I’m fine.

So maybe this is a reminder for myself too. That being honest about my feelings is not a sign of weakness. That it is okay to not always be fine. And that sometimes, the bravest thing I can do is not to smile and say I’m fine, but to honestly admit that today feels heavy.