Not long ago I would have laughed at myself for writing this. Back then, all I wanted was a girlfriend. Now I am at a point where I would rather just wait and marry the right person, if that person ever shows up, than jump into another relationship for no real reason. Let me explain how I got here, because the change did not happen overnight.

It started around the time I graduated from vocational school. If I remember correctly, I had just gone through a breakup right around that moment. So there I was, fresh out of school, freshly single, and honestly a little lost. And the first thing my mind wanted was not a career plan or a clear direction. It wanted another girlfriend. Fast. I was eager, almost desperate, to find someone new.

Looking back, I know exactly what that was. It was not love. It was validation. I wanted proof that I was still wanted, still worth choosing, still good enough for someone. Being single right after a breakup felt like a label I wanted to peel off as quickly as possible. Getting a new partner felt like the fastest way to feel okay about myself again.

But the more time passed, the more I started to question the whole thing. I kept asking myself one simple question. What is the point of dating if it just ends up wasting time and gives me nothing real in return. And by real benefit, I do not mean anything material. I mean the actual thing people are chasing, that feeling, that bit of happiness and comfort you keep looking for from someone else when you are used to being alone.

Because that is what it really was. I was not looking for a person. I was looking for a feeling. I wanted someone to fill the quiet, to make being alone hurt a little less. And once I saw it that way, it stopped making sense to me. Why would I pull another human being into my life just to borrow a feeling from them for a while, knowing it would probably lead nowhere.

Dating with no direction started to feel like spending energy I did not want to spend anymore. All the effort, the texting, the getting attached, the getting hurt, and at the end of it, often nothing. No growth, no future, just time I could not get back. If the whole thing is only there to make me feel wanted for a moment, then it is a very expensive way to feel good.

There is also one more thing I cannot leave out, and for me it is actually the biggest reason. In Islam, dating the way most people do it is not allowed. It is haram. For a long time I treated that as just a rule I was ignoring, but the older I get the more I understand the wisdom behind it. The whole cycle of getting close, getting attached, and getting hurt with no real commitment is exactly what that boundary is meant to protect us from. And honestly, these days I even feel a bit sorry when I open social media and see couples proudly posting their relationship everywhere. I do not say this to judge anyone, because that used to be the kind of thing I wanted too. But now it just looks like people showing off something that is temporary, something with no promise behind it, as if the number of likes could turn a moment into a future. And maybe this is a little ironic coming from me, because I used to do the exact same thing. I posted the moments, tagged the person, wanted everyone to see that I was not alone. So when I say this, I am not looking down on anyone. I am really just looking back at an older version of myself and quietly asking, what was I actually trying to prove, and to whom. That question is exactly what reminds me why I no longer want that for myself. What is offered instead is something clear and honest, which is marriage. Once I looked at it that way, choosing to wait was not just about my feelings, it was about lining my choices up with what I actually believe.

So slowly, my mindset shifted. If someone is truly meant for me, someone I can actually build a future with, then I would rather go straight toward something real. Not dating just to date. Not a relationship just to have a status. If the right person comes, I would rather think about marriage, about something that actually goes somewhere and is halal, than repeat the old cycle of chasing a feeling.

And if that person does not come soon, I am strangely okay with it now. Being alone is no longer a wound I need to cover up as fast as possible. I do not need someone just to prove that I am enough. I already know I can sit with myself, quiet and single, and still be fine.

Maybe that is the real growth here. I stopped looking for someone to complete a feeling, and started waiting for someone worth building a life with, in a way that is right. The old me wanted a girlfriend to feel wanted. The me now would rather wait, stay patient, and choose once, properly. And honestly, that feels a lot more peaceful than being eager and empty ever did.